I’ve been meaning to update this but I don’t know where to start really. I’ve opened this and just sort of sat and stared at the screen for a while then decided I didn’t really know what I wanted to say.
So I’m back at work. It is a little too soon as my wound is still slightly open but I need to feed myself. As I get paid monthly and sick pay is a joke, I need these part time hours to live. I can ask The Boyfriend to help out but I am one stubborn ass lady. I don’t like asking for help especially when it comes to money. I know if things get real messy he’ll obviously support me but I want to try and do it on my own. Plus the wound is tiny as, it doesn’t hurt annnnd I’ve done 3 shifts no problem.
With all these ops my body has gone a little haywire and Mr P went missing for about 4 months. This month he came back with a vengeance.
“Waddup Steph, long time no see, as I’ve been away for so long I thought I’d bring you a present, four months of hormones”
I was stalking the house like an angry wilder beast. I think I really scared The Boy this time round though because he did something and I saw him look at me in pure fear, like “oh shit, maybe if I stay real still, her attention will focus elsewhere and she won’t eat me alive.”
My body is slowly getting used to everything but it is a bit of a struggle. The Boy asked me if I was happy I had the operations and you know what? Right now? I am not sure. The struggles I have are different to the ones that I have when I had a stoma but at the end of the day they’re still struggles.
Don’t get me wrong, it could have been a lot worse, and yes it is still early days with the op but. I don’t know.
Before the op I had the stoma but I was in awesome health, ate pretty much what I wanted and just actually felt really good. I was exercising three-four times a week and it was all pretty sweet.
Now I spend a lot of time sleeping, can’t eat well because I’m stuck with bread and pasta because it all goes through my system too quick otherwise, I get tired going up stairs, no exercise and I spend an obscene amount of time on the toilet and complaining that my butt is itchy.
Give me 3 months and I’m sure I’ll be “whooo! So glad I had the op this is awesome” but right now I feel like I’m constantly fighting for everything. I just need a break. I think I’m just getting my rant on because I’m a bit cranky with this whole situation. I know full well that had I of not gone through these ops or even this illness I’d be complaining about something else. Everything is relevant at the end of the day.
So I’ve had to fight a little harder that most people my age. Doesn’t really bother me too much it just means that you can throw pretty much anything at me and I’d kick ass.
They don’t call me Super Steph for nothing 😉