Time for a Kit Kat.

It’s so much easier being on the outside and giving advice isn’t it? 
“I’d totally do this in her position” 
“what is she doing?! It’s so obvious she should…” etc
But when your the one in it, its so much harder to make the correct choice.
Perhaps there are outside influences that others can’t see, or perhaps there are your own emotions keeping you from the “obvious” choice. 
That’s why I hate to give advice because ultimately the person is going to do what they want anyway. 
I do however like to question things, not in a negative way, just so the other person can think things through of their own accord and maybe my questions might lead them somewhere that could help them.
I feel that’s so much better than telling someone what to do. 
However its nice to know what the other person would do in that situation. Sometimes it gives you the perspective, the “mental bitch slap” that you need. 
Sometimes though, you have to be told. 
I, again, hate to do this and avoid it unless its really necessary because the other person is only going to think you’re a “see you next Tuesday”. Unless they realise that you’re only doing it because you love them, but seriously, when on earth does that happen?
I’m writing this because I’m trying to think about what the hell is going on with myself. 
I’ve just spent over a week in hospital and before that about a month and a half being unwell. 
I’ve tried struggling through it but it doesn’t seem to have work. 
My next tact is to just stop fighting. 
This deeply unsettles me though. You read all about these ill people, ones with serious illnesses, who just crack on through life, I read recently about a cancer patient who has just completed a marathon despite regular treatments and here I am with a bowel disease and I can’t even make it to work and back everyday. 
I’ve always vowed that I wouldn’t let this beat me and I feel that if I was to stop I’d be breaking my vow. 
However I can’t keep doing this, fighting isn’t the way to live if your life is substandard because of it. 
If I just take the time out now and maybe my life will improve and I won’t have to keep on taking time out to get better. Who wants to be in hospital every 4 months because they just keep ploughing on. Not me. 
Being in hospital certainly gives you the room to think about things. 
It also makes you old before your time. 
My days consisted of waking up early then napping,  reading, eating, then another nap, read some more, nap again, eat, perhaps have a cup of tea and then you sleep. Also you’re woken up a lot by people sticking needles in arms and for me, a lot of checking out my bum. They’re not gentle either, its quite disturbing leaving you a little violated.
“I’m just going to check out your pouch” 
“all right” I think then BAM no warning, theres a finger up my bum and a fiddle. 
Seriously man, please, please, warn me you’re going to do this. 
At at the very least buy me some flowers. 
Who says you can’t romance me before you check out my anal canal? 
too far? I thought so but I’m keeping it anyway. 
Also why does it take several of you to check it out? Surely you’d write on the notes what you found?
I’m preeetty sure a dr just spread a rumour
“The woman in bed 26 will let you see her bum, go check it out” 
Anyway I’ve completely gone off track. 
All I wanted to say was that I think its time to let go what people think about it all and make my own decision based on what’s best for me at the moment. 

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