I arrived back home to London at the end of November and after some routine blood tests had found that my liver was out of whack. Cue a lot of hospital visits and a heap of frustration because its been 5 months and the doctors still haven’t figured out what’s going on with my health!
I’ve come to the conclusion that I am just broken and for my birthday am going to ask for a brand new body. We’ve made huge advances medically, a new body isn’t too much to ask for, right?
I’ve also come to the conclusion that when doctors say “this may be uncomfortable” they are lying. Uncomfortable means “this is going to be painful, chances are extremely painful, but we’ll let you find that one out on your own”
However I did have an extremely honest doctor for my liver biopsy and when the nurse said “this may be uncomfortable” he then laughed and said “Well we don’t know that for sure, I mean I haven’t had the procedure personally”
Oh its all fun and games when you’re on the other side holding the largest needle-type-contraption I have ever seen in my life, isn’t it doctor?
It hurts by the way. I felt winded and then promptly sick, which I suppose in fairness is normal, after all you’ve just taken 3 tiny pieces of liver out of my body.
Endoscopy. At first I thought it was a welcome change to all the colonoscopies I’ve had in the past.
Once more I was proven wrong. Drowsy and confused from the sedation, the doctor moved the scope at an angle that I started to choke and retch on the camera. Hazily I heard the nurse say “Almost there, you’re doing so well”
Lady… take the scope out of my mouth. I am dribbling so much despite your little suction thingy, that the side of my face is now wet, I’m clearly trying to swallow but can’t because I have a camera down my throat, please do not try to encourage me to keep going, just take the camera out.
MRI contrast exam. WHAT THE FUCK IS IN THAT LIQUID? Seriously? and why do I have to drink so much of it on an empty stomach?
I have a sensitive palate, anything that I don’t like to taste, will make me gag. Same with smells, its really annoying. And yet I had to drink this large bottle of disgusting liquid in the space of 45 minutes. I thought I’d sip it… nope… it made me gag… I thought I’d try to chug it… nope I was very nearly sick everywhere.
Luckily after I somehow managed to drink it, all I had to do was lie in the MRI and just listen to noises that made me feel like I was in a spaceship. Which isn’t actually that helpful because I want to laugh at the ridiculous scenario I am in, but you can’t because they’re taking pictures of my insides.
Still no news on what’s happening, I need to have another endoscopy because they want to see further into my small bowl. Joyous.
I’ll keep you all posted on my delightful hospital adventures.
Till then, stay well and happy x