One ticket to rantsville please.

I’ve been trawling the internet for the past few weeks for blogs about FODMAP or any information about colitis/Jpouch being helped along by change of diet.

I have found some amazing blogs detailing the diet, a few go as far to post a few recipes, which is amazing but then, out of the blue, all the posts stop. 
Where have the wondrous bloggers disappeared to? Was it just to difficult to re wire your brain from wheat/dairy to quinoa/rice milk? (I have yet to have quinoa but have heard it taste like bum. However rice milk, I can tell you from experience, tastes like bum. Not that I’ve tasted bum, so technically this whole point is redundant. On the other hand saying “it tastes bad” just doesn’t have the quality I’m looking for. Right. Moving on.)
In fact this whole post is just to tell you all how frustrating it is about the lack of information there is about seeing this diet through. 
There is plenty of information about the diet, what it stands for, what you can’t have, what you can have yada yada yada but what about information about a recipe that actually tastes good. And to the point isn’t ridiculously expensive? 
The health food store in all its hippie glory is so expensive! I went in there to buy some peanut butter that wasn’t loaded with sugar and nearly cried. FOUR POUNDS? For a tiny jar something that is meant to be good for me that I can stick on my rice cakes so it doesn’t taste like bum? There’s the bum again. 
I wish I could meet a chef and we can set up a little fodmap cafe for all the people out there with dietary issues, because as amazing as the gluten, wheat free places are, what about those of us who can’t have onion or garlic? 
Why are we reduced to a stinky salad, which by the way I can’t even eat too much because too many leafy greens go straight through me and I end up sitting on the toilet perfecting my French braid technique.
I can only hope that  this diet thing will get easier because right now its like smacking my head against a brick wall. 
Till then, I shall bid you all adieu and grudgingly eat my buckwheat flakes with rice milk. 

The cake is watching me

When I was given the hefty list of foods that I was not allowed on the fodmap diet, my first thoughts were “Oh my God no bread,” followed by “Oh my God no cake.”
I do enjoy a slice of cake. It is a common pass time of mine to catch up with a friend over a piece of cake and a cup of tea.
Sometimes I wonder why I am not the size of a house, and then I realise that it’s because I poo everything out at an alarming rate. Did you know that for a normal person 
Being on this diet I have found out many things. Mainly, how utterly appalling my self control is.
I know I’m not meant to have that piece of cake. That glorious piece of cake that is staring me down singing “you know you want me” and dancing in a seductive way with a fork, is on the “Not allowed list” It has wheat, and most importantly an epic amount of sugar in it.
Yet I am there, five minutes later, feeling guilty that I shoved that piece of cake into my mouth and I damn well enjoyed it.
However my J Pouch is not impressed. I have learnt the hard way that on top of the fodmap diet no no’s, sugar is out.
I always thought that wheat would be my biggest problem to cut but in fact its sugar. It is everywhere and I never realised I how much I had until I tried to cut it out.
It’s everywhere and trying to exclude it is so hard. So far I have only managed 4 days tops to exclude it and then I cave.
I managed to last nearly 2 weeks without wheat and all the other crazy no no’s and I got really upset and everything went out the window.
Being on the fodmap diet I have learnt that if I want to eat I have to take lunch with me. There are very limited foods I can pick up on the go and in a rush.
Even though I know that this diet is what could be the key from keeping me off antibiotics I am finding it difficult to stick to it. Having UC, the ops and now all the problems with the J Pouch, I have adopted the Fuck It mentality. I have missed out on so much and my illness prevents me from doing so many things that I do end up eating things that I shouldn’t. Why can’t I eat that piece of cake? UC has robbed me of so many things so why can’t I eat the cake just like everyone else.
I have been doing a lot of research recently regarding diet and Jpouch and have found some interesting information regarding UC and diet.
When I was diagnosed one of the first things I asked was “Should I change my diet?” I was told that I should be fine, and that when I am in remission that I can eat what I want and to just “listen to my body” when I am in a flare and not eat too many fruits and vegetables.
IBD takes the “one size fits all” and stamps all over it. It’s different for so many people; no wonder the doctors don’t recommend you start cutting certain foods out because what will flare me won’t flare you.
I wish they had recommend trying different diets, or at least planted the seed of researching different foods that could aggravate my UC. Especially now I am having the same symptoms I had with my UC except without an intestine.  
I hope that the gastroenterologists are starting to seek alternatives, to realise that though it is completely necessary to control the flare, that there could be an underlying problem that diet could help to address.
I hope that people with IBD see this blog and decide to do some research on what works for them. Sometimes doctors are so focused on getting the flare under control they don’t consider any other alternatives than those dreaded steroids, when a few changes in diet could relieve a lot of pain that some of us IBD sufferers have.
In the mean time I’m going to try harder to stick to this diet. What’s the point of preaching to everyone if I don’t heed my own advice?!
So Mr Cake, you and I will cross paths occasionally, I only ask that you stop doing that sexy dance with the fork because it makes me want you just that little bit more!

Diet

A few posts ago I said that I would be embarking on a new diet called FODMAP. This is to reduce the symptoms of IBS that comes with having IBD.
I was under no pretence that this would “cure” me of the issues I have been having with my Pouchitis. However I need to try different things in attempt to try and live medication free.
I have not managed to complete more than a week of this diet.
This is partly due to my seriously lack of will. It amazes me that I am strong enough to go through what I have, but stick chocolate/tasty bread/cakes in front of me and I cave; crying whilst I eat what is on the dreaded NOT ALLOWED list.
It’s also partly due to sneaky fodmaps lurking in foods that I wouldn’t have thought it to be in.
From previous experience I am aware that my pouch is in love with marshmellows. For some reason, perhaps the gelatine, it slows down transit quite nicely.
Wanting a sweet treat I picked up a rice crispie square. My pouch also loves rice crispies, so I thought it was a win win situation here.
Wrong.
Tucking into the amazingness that is the rice crispie square I decide to glance at the ingredients.
And there, glinting at me in its wickedness was the word Fructose.
Aye?!
What is fructose doing in my rice crispie square?
Other more obvious and yet annoying ones are onion and garlic powder that pop up in all soups/stocks.
I can’t eat out at most places because the majority of sauces will have onion and garlic in the base.
Burger places are excellent, providing the meat hasn’t got onion or garlic, as I can eat the burger and a side salad. Ha who am I kidding, chips. I was trying to take the moral high ground there and pretend that I eat salad with my burgers. I always go for chips, and if I don’t I’ll stare hungrily at yours like a dog until you ask me if I want one.  
Eating out limits me to plain rice, salads, without the offending cous cous, and wedges.
Lunch has to be prepared in advance or I will have to succumb to something containing fodmaps as there are no quick fixes in the “lunch-on-the-go” department.
Snacks are rice cakes with peanut butter, which are amazing but I am not entirely sure whether my pouch likes peanut butter, or even rice cakes for that matter!
I am deeply confused as to what is setting my pouch off and what isn’t.
As a result of this I have decided to cut back to epic proportions and am living on rice, chicken, potatoes and porridge, providing the milk is lacto free. I have only started this and it is going to be so hard I might cry a little bit.
I dislike eating the same thing day in, day out but for me to figure out what is bad for me I need to first stick to what I know is good so I can pinpoint what is aggravating my pouch.
They do say that it can take 24 months for the pouch to settle down completely, and considering I am only 8 months down, it still has a while to sort itself out. I have read of people’s pouches only settling down after 9months, sometimes a year. Perhaps mine is a slow starter.
Saying that maybe my pouch is just angry. He’s annoyed that he now has to do more than his job description and is making me pay for it. If my intestine had a fist he’d be shaking that bad boy vigorously.
Or giving me the middle finger.