It’s So Close.

Monday 20th June 2011.
This my friends, is when my last operation will be.
Oh I am so excited.
I was contemplating not telling people because the last operation got cancelled by another 6 weeks and I got extremely upset.
This is different though. As long as this doesn’t mess with Paris in July then I’m happy.
I was saying to The Boyfriend that I feel TinTin is a part of me now, not even something I think about. It’s not separate.
I feel comfortable with him. I don’t wonder what life would be like if I didn’t have the surgery. I don’t regret the surgery any more. There were days where I’d wish things were different, where I wished I tried to be a bit more healthy so I didn’t get the virus that eventually landed me in my predicament.
Okay so sure, I might have lasted a few more years with UC instead of TinTin but I reckon I would have had to have the operation at some point as my UC would flare every few months or so. I wouldn’t have been able to eat my beloved hot sauce like I do now. Which by the way is on everything. Oh man I love spicy food!
I would have been on steroids which are evil. Let me tell you all about those medications.
When I was first diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis I was on about I think 24 pills a day. Steroids, muscle relaxants, pain relief… the list continues
Steroids messed with my moods big time and made me put on weight that I can’t shift so I look like a hyperactive chipmunk. Don’t believe me? Check out my graduation photo. Steroids have a side effect called moon face and I have been on steroids on and off for 3 years now at I think… two months on steroids, three or so off. I think the longest break off steroids was 4 months maybe?

My weight whilst off steroids has always been around 57kg. On them I fluctuated to 63kg and couldn’t shift them no matter how much exercise I did. I’d be depressed. I’d be angry, I’d be crazily high. On steroids I’d have days where I seriously did not want to get out of bed. I hated the world. I hated everyone, wouldn’t talk to people. The only person that managed to get through to me on my steroid induced hazes was my beloved Marci.
I had insomnia, I sweated a lot, I had nightmares. My hair fell out…
This is no way to live.
So I wouldn’t have gone through surgery and wouldn’t have had a stoma but I ultimately I still would have been sick.
So at 22 years young. I am given a fresh new start. A life without being heavily medicated. A life without having pain when I ate food.
Okay so sure, my life might not be as good as a normal 22 year old. I still have to be careful with what I eat, I will have to go to the toilet more than average. I will have days where I will be tired, I will be more prone to dehydration. I have a risk of something called pouchitis. Hell this whole operation might not even work, but I’m taking the risk.
Why I hear you ask? Why do this to myself when I can be perfectly happy with my stoma?
I can control when I can go to the toilet, I don’t have to be dictated by a stoma bag. I can choose what I want to wear instead of worrying about a bag. Hell I can shower when I feel like it, I can lie on my tummy, I can bunjy jump without worrying about my insides falling out. I can hug people properly, you can pick me up and throw me around for all I care, you can tickle me, I can lift my top up with out feeling self conscious. I can get ready without having to take the extra 10-15 minutes having to change TinTin, or worry that he’s going to be naughty and poo on me. I can wear jeans properly.. oh god the list can go on!
So I am keeping my fingers and toes crossed that Monday 20th June 2011 is my last operation.
I’m getting a little bit closer to my goal.
Australia here I come!

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