I Can’t Believe It.

For ages I have considered leaving where I work. Its been a tiny thought at the back of my mind for a while now but I never really seriously honestly thought I would do something about it.
Until recently and then BAM
Trial shifts, notices and last shifts have all been thrust upon me that I stood standing there thinking “What the fuck have I just done”
But its the transitional phrase isn’t it?
Where you go from what’s comfortable and nice, to the unknown. Where I am is in an amazing bed and my routine, to seeing my work colleagues to seeing the regulars are my duvet and I’m all tucked up and its awesome, apart from this alarm that’s ringing by my head and now I’ve actually listened to the alarm and I’ve got out of bed and the comfort of my duvet and I’m standing there wishing I could get back to bed but I can’t because I’m out now and there’s no point going back.
This job could be awesome, it could also be awesomely shit but I don’t know till I try. Worst comes to worst I will get another job but at least I’m doing something about this.
With everything that I’ve been through, with all my illness and surgeries I should be saying a big fat FUCK IT to the whole world and doing whatever the hell I want.
I don’t though because I’m scared. Fear keeps me from doing a lot of things but I need to put things in perspective sometimes. I’ve gone through such an emotional train wreck this past year, more in fact because I was sick loooong before the operation, yet here I am afraid to jump in because of what? Failure? You fail 100% if you don’t try, least if you try and fail you’ll have learnt something from it.
Here it goes.
I’m about to jump in and say a big fat fuck it to the universe.

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