I was listening to this as I was typing this post, check it out 🙂
There is a very high chance that this post will not make sense; an even higher chance that the grammar and flow will be even more off key.
Ladies and Gents, I have completely fallen off the band wagon and am walking down the road like Ron Burgendy shouting “MILK WAS A BAD CHOICE”
Running has come to a standstill. I have no idea what is wrong with me I just can’t seem to lace up those trainers and get out there.
I do not have a reason. I’ve just stopped. Its weird. At this present moment I just don’t seem to care. About anything. I’m plodding along with life and I can’t help but hear this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that something’s not quite right. I have no motivation for anything.
I got the same feeling when it was super close to my surgery. I want Australia and I want it now. Its so close I can taste it, to smell the salty air, to feel the sun gently warming my skin.
The monotony of my life at the moment is killing me, I need to do this to get to where I want to go but I hate the fact that I don’t wake up in the morning and I’m like WHOOOO work! I can’t wait to get my teeth into something that I love. It’ll happen, but as my priority is Australia I just need up put up and shut up.
I’m sure that all the anxiety I am feeling is because I haven’t been running. I hate what I’m about to admit but running gives me clarity and focus. The simple act of putting one foot in front of the other for a small amount of time allows my brain to just be.
I’m a stickler for over thinking. I will take a thought and bludgeon that thought until the little letters are splattered across a wall, a’s and t’s sliding down into a pool of “What am I doing?” and I’m sitting in the corner crying because I feel like my life is spiralling out of control.
I feel like I’m out of control most days. I don’t know what I want to achieve any more, I don’t have any creative outlets and I feel lost.
However, I’m sure that’s how a lot of us 23year olds feel. No purpose, no direction.
I have an amazing amount of things to be thankful for.
For one, the amount of beautiful friends I have in my life. They say that you can count on one hand the people you can truly rely on. Pfft not me, give me another hand, or even my foot and let me count my toes. I have so many people that if my boat was sinking and I was about to drown, they’d swim by on a speed boat, pick me up and hand me a beer as we cruise into the sunset.
My Boy. My beautiful boy who means the world to me.
My family. I am truly blessed with an amazing dysfunctional family. We are messed up but I could find no greater pleasure than sitting with these crazy mofo’s, cup of tea in hand, cracking joke about the most random of things.
Someone said to me once that they couldn’t believe for someone who has had such bad luck, they couldn’t believe how positive I was.
Its experience. I’ve had some pretty horrific things happen but when that ugly beast called life stares at me, growls, tells me that its going to eat me whole I stand up and stare it straight in the eye and say
“You can try, but you’ll have to catch me first”