The Fear

Having IBD comes with many feelings and experiences. Most very unwanted, but they get chucked at us just the same.

The other day I was walking home from a nice relaxing walk with my friend at the beach, I was about 15 minutes away when my tummy started rumbling like a car starting its engine, I went pale and a little bit shakey, started to sweat a little bit and fear shot straight through me, turning my blood cold. Why?

I needed a toilet. I needed one desperately and there were none until I got home.

Don’t you just hate that feeling? That you need the toilet RIGHT NOW and there isn’t one in sight?

Your stomach is going absolutely mental, it kind of hits you in waves. One minute you’re okay and then the gurgling starts and the spasms and it builds and builds and then slowly passes. But they become more frequent.

“Oh my God, oh my God, I’m going to crap myself” is running through my mind and then the butt clenching starts. The amount of butt clenching I have had to do through my illness, you’d think I’d have an amazing butt wouldn’t you? But alas, frequent weight fluctuations has taken care of that one, thanks IBD, you’re awesome!

Its unfortunate that so many of us experience this toilet anxiety and I will admit that there have been a few times where I haven’t made it to the toilet in time. It can feel so humiliating and degrading when that happens. There is absolutely no comfort in the world for when it does, but you just have to accept it and move on the best you can.

The fear can cripple you if you let it. There were times where I was so nervous to go outside because I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to get to toilet if I needed it urgently and to be honest, I just didn’t want the hassle of worrying about it.

There is no magic cure for “The Fear”. I’m lucky that I don’t have many occasions where I wouldn’t make it to the toilet, but I have plenty of ones like the above where I would be so desperate for the loo.

Its one of the many issues that we go through, but as time goes on, it never gets easier as such but I do feel I have become more accepting of it.

It happens, I am a girl, well actually I should say woman, I’m nearly 25, who had IBD and this is unfortunately something I go through from time to time.

Do you have any tactics that help you cope with “The Fear?” Have you ever not done something because of “The Fear?

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