We haven’t exactly seen eye to eye recently have we? I’m hoping that this letter will explain some of my behaviour and then maybe we could get along a little better.
I really don’t appreciate the way that you talk about me. You’re so negative! Always on about how you’re fighting me and how hard it is to have a stoma and then how hard it is to have a J-pouch.
I didn’t want this! I didn’t ask for it! Sure, I knew that Colon was sick, I mean that’s why you had to keep putting us through all the medications but even though he was causing so much trouble, he was my friend. Why do you think I just stopped working when he was removed?
I didn’t even get a say in it, one day he’s there, the next there’s a white light and few hands fiddling with me and badabing-badboom I’m on the outside.
Like what the fuck? Seriously?
I know what you’re about to say “it wasn’t planned, I was just as upset as you were” but you have to realise it was a preeeetttyy big shock for me.
We’ve had our ups and downs, with the sore skin and the loud noises I would make, but I’d like to think that we became friends and that you had even grown to like me.
I was quite enjoying seeing all the sights, and meeting people. I was becoming quite a talking point in your life and then just as I was getting used to it, you put me back in!
Not only that, but you took a piece that was higher up and brought that outside. What? Was I not good enough for you?
It really hurt when I had to go back, but I got used it. It was lonely for a while, especially because I wasn’t connected to anything but those fiddly hands appeared again I was was back in the game.
Only this time, I had to do my job AND Colons job. I know I had to do it when I was on the outside the first time, but this was different. I had to learn to hold. Before, I could just spew when I wanted. It didn’t really matter, but now I go when you tell me to go and its just weird.
I know we’re still having problems, that there are foods that you can’t eat and you still have pains and bleed now and then. Trust me, when that happened the first time I was like WHAT THE FUCK? I mean, I haven’t dealt with this before, that was all Colon’s problem, so believe me when I say that I was just as upset and confused as you were.
I hope that one day we could be friends again, I’m still learning how to keep the fluid balance in check, again, Colon’s job.
But you have to meet me half way. It’s not nice to be fought against all the time, I’d like to feel some love rather than an obstacle that you have to face, some appreciation for all that I have been through over the years.
Remember that your diet and lifestyle is unique to you. I know its hard and sometimes you feel that you’re being held back by me but sometimes I kick up a fuss because I just want you to listen to me. Sometimes I can’t do the things that all your friends are doing because I just don’t have it in me.
Stand up and be proud of your uniqueness. Stop trying to blend in and be like everyone else.
Slowly but surely we are getting there and I hope in years to come we will be firm friends.
But for now, just give yourself a break, realise that you’ve been through a lot and its time to love the body that you have because its been through an immense amount in the past 3 years.
Your Small (and now also Large) Intestine.