New Resolve

Oh Melbourne. How you haunt me so.

My southern hemisphere friends are posting pictures of beaches and bikinis. Glorious warm summer nights filled with food, wine and laughter.

I scroll through these pictures and am filled with an immense feeling of longing and loss, so strong that I frequently dream of Melbourne.

I dream of the friends that I have made, I dream of memories but last night I dreamt of leaving and I woke up feeling extremely sad.

I often wonder when this haunting will end. I am after all in London. There was a time when I would walk the streets and feel this bubble of pride that I was a Londoner and that I lived in such a glorious city.

Talking to a friend of mine, I had said that the ownership of feeling happy falls to me. I can chose to be sad about living back in London, or I could accept that, yes, it’s not quite what I wanted but there are so many good things about being back.

When I was travelling, most days that I had off, I would plan little trips to see things, or I would go for walks.

I’m not sure what it is about London, perhaps it’s because I’m a Londoner that I don’t make a conscious effort to try or explore new things. This is home.

But if I look through my travelers eyes, no doubt I would have already booked a small trip somewhere. I have friends all over the UK, there is nothing stopping me, money aside, from booking a cheap bus up north. Or going to a market, which is something that I’ve always enjoyed.  Why must my curiosity stop, just because I am now home?

The adjustment has been tricky, and I have spent many minutes thinking “If I was in Melbourne, what would I be doing now?”

But that’s not going to help me. If I continue the way that I am thinking, there is a huge chance that this time next year, I’ll look back and think “Damn, I wish I had done more”

My aim of 2015 is not to let that happen, and to explore, to still be curious.

In other news I’ve unfortunately been having tests on my liver. Something is wrong but the doctors are not sure what, and there is a high chance that it is related to my IBD. However, it’s all speculation at present, and I’ll update you once I have seen my Gastro. Joyous. I thought the IBD journey had finally come to some sort of close. Not to worry, I’ll keep on trucking, just like I always have done because IBD is a part of me, it does not define me.

I hope you’ve all had a great Christmas and an even better start to the New Year.

Until next time, keep smiling.


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