Nothing like a bit of death to evaluate your life, your goals, dreams and ambitions.
Saturday 1st November was the first anniversary of my Nan’s passing. I worked during the day and then in the evening I took myself to a really nice restaurant, sat down with a glass of wine, ordered a steak and I wrote.
I wrote about where I want to be in my life, what I want to achieve and all the things in between. I wrote down all the big things worrying me about my path and where I am heading, to some of the simpler things I wanted to achieve like working my way up to meditating every day.
Sometimes seeing it on paper helps to organise your mind but also gives you the time to think about what it is you really want. Sure, most of us have an idea of what we would like, but do we ever sit down and take the time to really mull it over?
And I thought about my beautiful Nan. I wish I had a photo to show you guys but unfortunately being in New Zealand, I didn’t take any snaps with me.
Memories are all I have and in fairness, all I need. As long as I remember, she will remain alive inside my heart.
It’s a sad occasion, I thought of all the things I never got to ask her. I felt sad for the things she will never get to see, like how unbelievably happy my mum is with her partner, how my two brothers are growing up to be these incredible men. How she’ll never see any of us married or hold a great-grandchild. I feel robbed of time shared. That I can’t sit and talk with her on a sunny afternoon with a cup of tea and biscuit.
It is also a celebratory occasion. I feel grateful for the time that we did share together, blessed that I was able to get to know my nan and create these memories with her. Unfortunately some people don’t even have the opportunity to get to know their grandparents and I feel fortunate that I had a close relationship with mine.
It was a bitter-sweet day where I allowed myself the time to breathe and to feel. I know that time heals all wounds, that things will get easier but the first will always be the hardest.
In other news, today I’m going to bungy jump. I have wanted to do this since I was about 19, and the longer I leave it, the more I’m scared of it. I’ve always wanted to do it in New Zealand, and as I’m here, I figure I should take the time out to tick this one off my bucket list.
I have 7 more sleeps till I’m back in Melbourne for a few days, and I have 17 more sleeps till I’m back in London.
Things are picking up and I have some exciting time that lay ahead.