In a previous post I spoke about The Fear of being stuck in public and desperately needing the toilet.
I very briefly touched on the times that my worst fear did indeed come true and I didn’t make it to the toilet in time.
When I wrote this blog, I promised to write about everything, the good, the bad and the not very pleasant and so, I am about to tell you about one of the times, that I unfortunately didn’t make it to the toilet.
I’m telling you this because you may have IBD and have also experienced this first hand, and it might help you to know that there are other people out there who it has happened to. Or you may not have IBD and by telling you this, you can begin to understand some of the debilitating things that happen to those of us with the disease.
I had spent the day out, no dramas. I can’t remember what I was doing that day, only that I had been out and about. Clearly if I had needed the toilet, there were ones within my reach and so I had no problems.
On the way back home I started to get the tale tale signs of needing the loo urgently and so I attempted, as best as I could, to try and get home quicker.
As some of you may know, doing the “butt clench” and trying to walk fast without looking like a penguin is damn near impossible.
Running, is also impossible.
The spasms, pain and rumbles were not just coming in waves now, it was one giant force that was wreaking havoc with my body.
I made it to my front door and lo and behold, I couldn’t find my keys. I was nearly in tears at this point.
Finally finding my keys, I somehow managed to get up the stairs. My powers of butt clench are outstanding and I made it into the bathroom.
I was shaking so badly from all the adrenaline that I couldn’t undo the button of my jeans and that’s when it happened.
I pooped my pants.
Immediately I burst into tears and ripped the jeans off me.
I can’t believe I was so freakin’ close to the toilet. As I scrubbed my jeans before I put them into the wash, waves of disgust came over me.
I’m 21 years old. How the hell can this happen to me?
IBD doesn’t care about your age. If you’re going to poop your pants, its going to happen, regardless of how old you are.
I was lucky that this time I wasn’t outside, or miles away from home and had to get back with soiled underwear.
Day to day living with this disease can be so tricky and its understandable that people stop going outside for long periods of time in case this happens to them.
But what can also be heartbreaking is that people don’t talk about this because lets face it, how the hell are you going to strike up a conversation about how you pooped yourself that day and you want to talk to someone because its really getting you down.
It’s just not going to happen. Having IBD can be such a lonely disease because we just don’t want people to know the intricate details of our lives, especially if they are embarrassing.
Unless of course you are me and clearly have no problem telling the world you have sh*t yourself.
Let it be known though that there are support groups out there, so if you are feeling down about it, reach out to people who know what you’re going through. You don’t have to talk to your friends and family, but at least try and talk to someone because its tough going through this. You have enough on your plate dealing with IBD, lets not welcome self hate or depression into the equation too.
If you do need someone to talk to, try calling NACC, the link I’ve posted is to their National Support Line. Don’t suffer in silence. There are people out there going/have been through what you’re experiencing. and its okay to reach out to them to let it all off your chest.